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[Nero_BlackFire]

*I'll post one later*

-not

[Kuro vi Lolitannia]

Not a joke, but THAT's funny. Damn Troll also get into Indonesia

[llamaswillbemine]

What did the one eyed, one legged, cold little orphan boy get for Christmas?

Spoiler for Hiden:

Cancer

[Kuro vi Lolitannia]

When Berlin was attacked, Hitler asked something to his generals. "What can I do to make the people in Germany become spirited again?"

And one of the general said, "It's easy sir. You just need to go to that tower over there, jump, and die. I bet they'll be spirited again."

[Nero_BlackFire]

@kuro: lame.

[Mangaexpert]

What kinda jokes we talking about here?
This kind?
How do asian people name their kids?

Spoiler for Hiden:

They put a coin in a can and roll it down the stairs, ching chong

Or this kind

Spoiler for Hiden:

MAWARU, SENBONSUZAKURADITE!!!!!

edit: Image fixed

[Kethsar]

Image does not appear, but I would assume both. Sorry to say I have no jokes to add to this thread.

[Kuro vi Lolitannia]

FUKKEN HILARIOUS

[Kageryuu]

I often like the short ones best:

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
- None

So Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
- Helium doesn't react.

The bartender says, "We don't serve time-travellers here."
- A time-traveller walks into a bar.


Though the best ones are usually the longer ones:

Spoiler for Hiden:

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the hell is on the balcony with Dave?"

[Nero_BlackFire]

So Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
- Helium doesn't react.

The bartender says, "We don't serve time-travellers here."
- A time-traveller walks into a bar.

lmao wtf. =]

[Mangaexpert]

sorry, i don't quite get the bar joke...

[Kageryuu]

Ugh, I hate having to explain a joke...

The first one is a pun on how Helium doesn't chemically react with other substances, being the noble gas that it is (simplified), while the second one changes the lines around a bit to make fun of the time-travelling (the barkeeper says it before he enters the bar. this one is lame, I know...)

So, here's another one:

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first says, "I'll have a beer."

The second says, "I'll have one half of a beer."

The third says, "I'll have one fourth of a beer."

The bartender pulls out two bottles and says, "Fuck you guys."


A longer one:

Spoiler for Hiden:

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I’ve got you a job," says his agent. "That’s great," says the actor, what is it?" "Well," says his agent, "it’s a one-liner" "That’s okay," replies the actor, "I’ve been out of work for so long I’ll take anything. What’s the line?" "Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the agent. "I love it" says the actor "When’s the audition?" "Wednesday" says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark, I hear the cannons roar". "Brilliant," says the director, "you’ve got the job. Be here 9 o’clock Saturday evening."

The actor is so happy he got the job that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up at 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; "Hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar."

He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the guard. "Who the hell are you?" asks the guard. "I’m "hark, I hear the cannons roar." "If you’re "hark I hear the cannons roar", you’re late. Get up to makeup right now!"

So he runs up to makeup. "Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl. "I’m "hark I hear the cannons roar."" "If you’re hark I hear the cannons roar", you’re late. Sit down here." And she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, you’re about to go on."

He dashes down to the stage. "Who the hell are you?" asks the stage manager. "I’m "hark, I hear the cannons roar."" "You’re "hark, I hear the cannons roar?" Get out there, the curtain’s about to go up."

He tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full. Suddenly there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

[Mangaexpert]

The first one is okay
the second one is 

[Sand_Penguin]

heres a good haruhi/konata joke